Titanium Clue Bat

In Which I Plug A Reasonably Good Whiskey

2006-08-19T20:28:00.000-05:00

Bushmills Malt 10 year old. Smooth as silk, and it gets the job done. I've had better, but not often. Draw your own conclusions as to my assets from that statement.

Greatest Drinking Song Of All Time

2006-08-19T20:18:00.000-05:00

Ride On, by AC/DC

Runners up: One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, and If You Don't Start Drinking, I'm Gonna Leave, by the inimitable George Thorogood and The Destroyers.

Honorable Mention: I Drink Alone, also by George Thorogood and The Destroyers.

Put your own suggestions in the comments. Who knows? I might even change my mind.

I'm conflicted.

2006-08-16T21:49:00.000-05:00

No, really. I mean, seriously. Iron Maiden is without doubt one of the greatest Heavy Metal bands of all time.

But.

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner? Couldn't you guys have left poor old Coleridge alone?

Open Thread.

2006-08-16T21:44:00.000-05:00

If anyone can think of someone more idiotic than the guy who thinks Mossad is behind most of the Muslim terrorist attacks in the last two decades, please mention the asshole's name in comments, so we can collectively go and marvel at the sheer wonder of it all.

Reference here, subject "Zorro".

Al Gore is an idiot.

2006-07-18T20:14:00.000-05:00

Make with the clickage. Posted because someone has to remind the public what a drooling fucking moron this doofus is. Five F's of eight classes taken over three semesters! How the fuck do you manage that?! Even I did better in college.

Fred Phelps is a Democrat

2006-07-12T21:16:00.000-05:00

Just thought I'd issue a quick reminder.

Anyway, the Phelptards got ambushed recently, by Australians. Click the linky.

Good on ya, mates.

What part of "No Identity, No Comment" do you not understand?

2006-07-08T16:52:00.000-05:00

Dumbass.

Note to anonymous cowards.

2006-07-07T21:13:00.000-05:00

If you can't create an identity, don't bother commenting. I won't publish your nonsense.

The Internet Needs an I.Q. Filter!

2006-07-06T22:18:00.000-05:00

I mean it.

Thanks to the tireless efforts of Mike and the inimitable (thankfully! One is enough, thanks.) Beck, who read Goldberg who reads the Dummycratic Underground so the rest of us don't have to, I have come to the conclusion that I will become the lifetime sex slave to the woman or women who will invent a stupidity filter to keep idiots like spooked911 OFF MY FUCKING INTERNET!

Only because I'm too poor to pay with cash, mind. Not that I'm into kinky stuff like being someone's sexual playtoy, or own a 1 pound stainless steel ball stretcher or anything like that.

Really.

Jimmy Carter, you fucking wanker.

2006-07-06T21:48:00.000-05:00

Via Reuters, by way of Yahoo! and Fox, (hat tip to those wild and crazy guys Ace and Jeff Goldstein) I learn, much to my dismay, consternation, and unquenchable anger that burns like the furnace of a thousand suns, that one of the missiles launched by North Korea was aimed at Hawaii.

The thing that pisses me off more than any other about the advances in modern medicine, and the advances to be revealed in the near future, is that they enable and will continue to enable utter wastes of skin like Jimmeh! Carter to continue wasting air that people I like could be breathing.

Behold, pissants!

2006-07-06T20:53:00.000-05:00

This is what real men drink. Scotch, cut with some sort of soda. All you scotch purists can blow me. Firmly held in my off hand was a nice Extraordinary Larry, by the Acid branch of Drew Estates. All you cigar purists can blow me, too.

Questions for those who support the "Palestinians".

2006-07-05T20:52:00.000-05:00

Do you really think the rest of us have forgotten their Nazi connections? Those of us, Left, Right, and Independent, who use the term "Islamofascist" seriously have certainly not, nor will we ever. We use it in full knowledge of the reason it fits so well, and we're not going to let you forget it.

There's a reason Mein Kampf sells so well in the Arab states, and it would behoove serious thinkers to be reminded, constantly.

Questions for the Albore

2006-07-05T10:36:00.000-05:00

Do you really believe there is enough water locked up in land based ice fields to raise the ocean level more than a few inches?

Even if there is, (and I'll accept it purely for the sake of argument) do you really think that moisture is going to end up in the oceans rather than the atmosphere?

If so, why weren't the world's oceans much higher the last time the planet was as warm as you are predicting?

What do have against the English, that you wish them not to re-enter the wine business, the Russians, that you wish them not to cultivate Siberia again, and the Africans, that you wish the Sahara to remain a desert?

Have you ever actually been laid, or has Tipper been cuckolding you all these years?

Rolling Stock.

2006-07-05T10:25:00.000-05:00

It's like something straight out of Atlas Shrugged.

Happy Birthday, America!

2006-07-04T19:58:00.000-05:00

Time to hit the porch with a stogie and whiskey, for the Fourth of July fireworks review.

Democrats, people who don't like America, and other assorted wankers are cordially invited to FOADS, thanks.

Karl Rove Will NOT Be Indicted!

2006-06-13T10:07:00.000-05:00

Suck it, you lefty suckweasels.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Have you noticed?

2006-04-26T19:36:00.000-05:00

Ever since we started removing lead from paint and gasoline, more people vote Republican. Hmmmm...

Because it bears repeating.

2006-04-11T09:23:00.000-05:00

Make with the clicky, chilluns.

A few predictions for "NeoLogic"

2006-04-10T21:59:00.000-05:00

The MSM will continue to fellate the Democrat Party.

The Democrat Party will continue to reveal themselves to be utterly devoid of good ideas, common sense, and patriotism.

The American people will continue to be repulsed by this vulgar display of Frenchness.

Despite the MSM fellatio, the Dems will lose 15 more seats in the House, and 5 more seats in the Senate.

NeoLogic, Zorro, Duncan Black, and Markos Zoulitsas will insist that the election was stolen by black helicopters, Diebold, and Karl Rove's satellite mounted mind control rays.

"Diarists" on the Daily Kos will find this to be just crazy talk, and insist on repeating all the bullshit about the Skull and Bones, conveniently forgetting that John Kerry was a member also.

Democratic Underground posters will find this explanation utterly implausible, insisting on explaining events with references to re-incarnated Atlanteans, (think I'm kidding?) space aliens, and the book of Revelations.

Livejournal owners will find this explanation all too convenient, and will insist on airing theories concerning black magic so ridiculous as would shame the writers of even the most fantastic (not to mention fabulous!) of Role Playing Games, if those writers were such utter losers as to actually read Livejournals.

George Bush will still be President, the Republican Party will still control the House, Senate, and Supreme Court, and the country will still be mostly dedicated to winning the War on Terror.

The majority of Americans will finally realize what a bunch of utterly deranged morons inhabit the Democrat Party, 49,000,000 straitjackets will be ordered, tranquilizer sales will skyrocket, and the construction industry will desperately try to keep up with the demand for new insane asylums.

"NeoLogic", being a poor intern making somewhat less than minimum wage, will be sent to one of the older asylums without broadband internet access, and will be forced to access the Internet over dial-up with nothing more than an old Pentium II 166, which he will be sharing with a 400 lb. sadomasochistic sodomizer, a situation he will consider a mixed blessing.

Oh hell yes!

2006-04-02T15:31:00.000-05:00

BWAHAHAHA!

Hat tip to Ace.

"Liberal"

2006-03-30T22:53:00.000-05:00

Someone so openminded their Goddamned brains have fallen out.

The Abramhoff Kerfuffle

2006-03-29T20:44:00.000-05:00

Schlong makes a damn good point.

Every time the Dimodorks think they've got Bush, they fail. Miserably.

USA! USA! USA!

Also Sprache Velocigerdankus!

2006-03-28T23:09:00.000-05:00

Hie thee hence.

Gots him a way with words, he do.

It's time to start to nuking capital cities, training about ten times the number of snipers we currently employ, expanding the military and laying down the law over in Mad Mullah Land. Let's start by stating as a matter of policy that anyone at all, anywhere in the world, that preaches "Death to X!", where "X" refers to innocent human life, has declared themselves outlaw to the human race, and will be dealt with accordingly.

By "outlaw", I am referring to the old Viking customs, (look em up) and by "dealt with accordingly", of course I mean "shot on sight, or if captured, hung as soon as useful information ceases to be forthcoming".

"Government"

2006-03-28T20:44:00.000-05:00

The biggest waste of money in the history of humanity. Beats the alternative, sometimes, but only barely.

While America Burns...

2006-03-28T20:37:00.000-05:00

...Hillary Clinton watches, masturbating furiously.

Just showing Mike over at Cold Fury how it's done.

John McCain, fucknozzle.

2006-03-28T20:14:00.000-05:00

Luckily for us, this asshole's time is almost up. Time to put a real American in his spot, a big brawny Southwesterner that breaks broncs on his own ranch, carries a revolver all the time, a real man who isn't afraid to put 500,000 troops on the southern border with orders to shoot every last illegal alien that tries to invade our country. Mexico is carrying out a sub rosa invasion of this country with illegal aliens, and it's time we started to elect some real men to deal with the issue.

If John McCain had the balls of a used up pre-op transexual prostitute, this discussion wouldn't even be necessary, but he doesn't, and it is, and there you have it.

Loco Gringos Like a Party!

2006-03-28T20:04:00.000-05:00

It's true. Really. And if you don't have the Reverend Horton Heat's song of the same name, then get the hell outta here until you can act civilized, youngster.

"Camera"

2006-03-28T20:00:00.000-05:00

An incredibly deep sinkhole into which one must toss oodles and oodles of money. Not related to "Government", but similar.

"Progressives"

2006-03-28T19:57:00.000-05:00

Mass proof positive that self-perception of sexual inadequacy can cause one to make the most incredibly idiotic socio-political decisions possible.

Discuss.

Open thread.

2006-03-28T19:56:00.000-05:00

No, really. Waste my precious bandwidth with your pathetic excuses for thoughts.

"Liberal"

2006-03-28T19:54:00.000-05:00

Word co-opted by a bunch of communist muthafuckas back about 1920 or so.

Spoogemopper of the Day.

2006-03-28T19:53:00.000-05:00

Duncan Black, a.k.a. "Atrios."

Blogger, thou doth sucketh!

2006-03-28T18:10:00.000-05:00

No copy/paste function?! WTF, over? Exactly what fucking century are you in, anyway? And when are you going to enable comment editing for the site owner?

Wankers.

Micheal Barone has a question for you.

2006-03-03T09:45:00.000-05:00

Hie thee hence. The question is at the bottom of the column, but read the whole thing, as they say, so you don't look like a complete idiot in your answer.

My answer for Mr. Barone is that most of the "journalists" in this country are either on the payroll of enemies of the United States or at the least, active sympathizers with those enemies. Therefore, I heartily advocate immediate prosecution of anyone violating the Espionage Act of 1917 and it's later amendments, any findings of guilt to be followed by timely exhaustion of the appeals process to be followed by public hangings. Party affiliation means nothing to me in this matter, nor any other, and my fair readers are to be reminded that I am a registered Independent.

Victor Davis Hanson nails another one.

2006-03-02T09:54:00.000-05:00

Hie thee hence and read it all.

I'm getting awfully sick of the Left in this country being their normal pessimistic selves when someone else is in charge. It sure wasn't like that right before Somalia, was it? Remember the optimism leading up to that little clusterfuck? Everyone on the Left was enthusiastic that we were going to go help the U.N. (spit) calm the situation down, feed the pore an starvin, become beloved benefactors, etc. etc. ad fucking very nauseum. Sure did seem like a slam dunk, too. Why, if those warlords got out of hand we've got a few light units of the very bestest military in the whole damn world to sort things out!

Never mind the fact that Bill Clinton was, like every Goddamned Democrat for the last fifty years, utterly unqualified to lead a rifle squad to the chow line, much less be Commander in Chief of not one, not two, not three or even four, but five branches of the military. Oh no. That's irrelevent.

And so, heavy armor was left out of the deployment mix, insufficient logistical planning was done, and our boys paid the price.

Where's that optimism now? If anything, there's far more cause for optimism in Iraq than there ever was in Somalia, if for no other reason than that George W. Bush is a far more competent Commander in Chief than Bilious Clinton. Our military is properly equipped, despite all Leftard whining to the contrary, well led, and highly motivated. According to almost everyone actually in Iraq, we're winning the war against the insurgents. According to the traitorous MSM, of course, it's an unwinnable quagmire.

No, I don't buy it. The only unwinnable quagmire I see U.S. forces in is the Balkans.

Mac Stupidiocy

2006-03-01T13:33:00.000-05:00

This is for Mike, Mr. Lion, and Zorro over at Cold Fury. Don't get me wrong, the first two guys are alright, other than their love of over priced under performing excuses for computers. Let's not forget Mr. Lion's love of Crotch Rocket style motorcycles, known to sensible people as Road Pizza Cookers, surely an invention of Satan. Other than that, of course, they're pretty decent people. Zorro, of course, is a vile little anti-Semitic conspiracy theory loving enemy of humanity, but I've said that before, I believe.

Anti-Semitic Trash.

2006-03-01T12:56:00.000-05:00

Of all the people whom it is not only permissible to hate, but encouraged, anti-Semites lead the list. I would like to point out that most anti-Semites are hardcore Leftards, despite their desperate efforts to paint the Right as Nazis. Hitler was a Leftist, by personal declaration and by all evidence of his actions. Nazi, after all, is a reference to National Socialist, and don't forget it. Stalin, one of the top ten murderous Leftists of all time, killed more Jews than Hitler, a fact that even the History Channel is finally acknowledging.

There seems to be some vile link between the two, even lately. One would almost think that, with all the historical lessons of the last couple of centuries, even Leftards would know better than to start drinking from the poisoned well of Jew hatred. I suppose that's why we view them as crazy little government loving retards, though. No matter how badly they get their little pee-pee whacked, they always expect different results from doing the same thing over and over. That's not the clinical definition of insanity, but it's a good working definition.

Socialized medicine is a horrific failure in every country it's been tried, extending to months services we take for granted are same day, killing with neglect those it's supposedly designed to serve? Oh, but it's Hillary Clinton designing this system!

Yeah, a lawyer designing a medical system, that is just sure to work.

"Gun Control" victimizes law abiding citizens, enables criminals, and contributes to the breakdown of society in every country in which it's been tried, starting with Nazi Germany? Oh, but we have Dianne Feinstein and Sarah Brady in charge of this effort!

Yeah, nanny state morons will surely be able to reverse the laws of human behavior to protect us after they've rendered us defenseless. Riiiiight.

Anti-Semitism has been one of the many first steps taken by political movements in the process of self destructing, from the Czar of Russia to National Socialism to Stalinism to the current crop of whackjobs in EUnuchland and the Middle East? Oh, but surely it will different this time, with modern "liberal progressives" in charge of the camps!

Never Again!

You may, of course, be wondering what triggered this little rant, and for that, I direct you to comments following this post.

Zorro, of course, is the anti-Semitic little scumbag that believes that Isreali intelligence was involved in 9/11, the War on Terror is part of some Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, or Vast Neocon Conspiracy, or something, and radical Islam is of far less concern to those with their priorities in order than environmental destruction. I suppose with those premises, sounding like The Protocols of the Elders of Zion Lite isn't such a leap.

Go mock the little Fucktard, lord knows he's earned it.

Comment moderation

2006-02-23T21:38:00.000-05:00

Lord knows I hate it. But there are many types of people in the world, and a fair majority of those types are utter fucking wankers with nothing better to do than shit on the plain truth whenever they find it. I won't abide such enemies of humanity fouling my comment section.

If you notice your comments do not immediately appear, well, that's why. Go find something else to do whilst I get around to reading your comments and deciding whether or not you've blessed us with a gem of insight, or conversely, fouled the very Universe with another bit of Lefturd.

Testing

2006-02-09T22:36:00.000-05:00

Hmmm. Not quite the effect I was after.

Woweee!

2006-01-28T19:22:00.000-05:00

Man, what a New Years Party! What time is it? Am I late for work? What's that? 27 days late? Aw well, they'll get over it.

A few thoughts on the mental disease of Leftism.

2005-12-31T21:08:00.000-05:00

I've lived a fair section of life, as some might say. Been there, seen that, done her. But one thing always suprises me a bit, and pisses me off royally, too. It's kind of like being starving hungry, I mean run that live cow by the table so I can carve off a steak hungry, buying a cheeseburger, and having a cockroach scurry off across the table when you unwrap the damn thing. Very mixed feelings at that point, y'know?

I speak, of course, of the feeling one gets when one discovers that a person one took to be a decent, rational, patriotic American turns out to be Just Another God Damned Communist. Disappointment, betrayal, rage, are just a few of the emotions at hand. Uppermost in one's mind may be an almost overwhelming desire to go beat the living crap out of the individual's parents for raising such an utter failure of a human being. That feeling is more likely than not countered by an even stronger worry that such stupidiocy might be contagious, and thus one shouldn't indulge for fear of getting any on one.

It all makes me want to drink heavily, very heavily. In fact, I think I shall. Hold on here, Toe Cheese, lemme make something with hair on it.

Ahhhh. Nothing like a Curzon Line to get one properly lubricated for opinionating.

Curzon Line

Glass
Ice
Vodka (preferably Polish)
Black Haus Blackberry Schnapps

Mix equal parts Vodka and Black Haus with Ice in a Glass. Drink.

Some of you are going to get the Curzon Line reference without looking it up, and you can be my friends. Some of you are going to get it after looking it up, and you might become my friends. Some of you are going to find the name offensive, and you can fuck right off out of here. Real men like military history, and drinks named thereafter.

Where was I?

Ah yes, Leftards. Winston Churchill wasn't the first person to comment on the incredible immaturity it takes to believe the patent nonsense constituting Leftism, and he certainly won't be the last. Hell, unless we all come to our senses and hang these criminals against humanity, or I live forever, I won't be the last.

Leftism, at it's heart, is an evasion of reality. Let's take a look at the central tenet of Leftism.

"From each according to his ability, to each according to his need."

Now, leaving quite aside the question of who gets to define ability and need, one has to ask why ability should determine what one gives to society, instead of, say, individual judgement and willingness. One also has to wonder if all the resources in society can fill the need of one anti-social person who has learned to make a big laundry list of things they just can't live without. This sort of thinking just isn't encouraged in Publik Skool, as it might lead people to ask if perhaps we should stop enslaving everyone to pay to "educate" some people's children.

We should privatize every single school in the country, and remove all non-market barriers to entry into the business of education. Yes, Louise, education is a business, just like any other. How would you feel if Gummint took over, say, all forms of transportation, and forced everyone who wanted to go anywhere to ride their product? The hot rod lover in me is cringeing at the thought, and the chopper lover even more so. Can you just imagine government owned transportation at all levels of society? Can you imagine getting your bicycle from the government? It would probably have five wheels.

If you know government would be an infinite fuckup in the field of transportation, (and if you don't, then get the fuck out of here, you pansy) then what makes you trust it in the far more complex field of education? Yet every Leftist alive thinks that government education is a wonderful thing, and wants more of it, especially for those dirty Reichwing Rethuglikkkan Retards in Red States.

But.

If they can afford it, they send their children to private schools.

And so, we come to the first, last, and always foremost problem with Leftism: Unabashed bald faced hypocrisy. They know damned good and well that they are extremely lacking in ability, and over-endowed with need, thus they cling like barnacles to an organizational principal that wouldn't keep any society anywhere in all the history of mankind running smoothly or at all, in the incredibly dim hope that maybe, just maybe, this time it will work. But instead of actually living according to their "principles", they just pretend to do so whilst they actually behave exactly like the horrible dirty capitalist warmongers they bitch oh so self-righteously about.

This is the point you should sit up and listen, because I'm going to reveal to you a truth that has the potential to make your life all better, forever and ever, amen.

Avoid the whiners.

Sounds pretty simple, eh? Yeah, right. Do you know how difficult it is to live up to that? Do you know why it's important? Lemme splain, Lucifer.

Avoiding the whiners is critical, for the simple reason that all Leftards whine. All. No exceptions, although I am not including the Rational Left in this. Folks like Christopher Hitchens, Zell Miller, and Orson Scott Card are no threat to humanity, for the simple reason that they can be reasoned with. The rest of them cannot. Their premises are so false, so demonstrably untrue, so fucking wrong, that nothing can penetrate. They believe such patent nonsense as:

It's perfectly alright to send a man to jail for hiring a hit man to murder his wife, but not alright to send a woman to jail for hiring a "doctor" to murder her unborn child.
Saddam Hussein is more trustworthy than George W. Bush.
We must try to understand the root causes of agression against our country by insane Islamofascist Terrorists, but no such requirement was necessary for dealing with Hitler, Mussolini, or Hirohito.
Taxation is good for the economy, because government knows better how to spend our money than we do.
All wealth is the result of government action, thus government can rightfully demand as much of our nation's wealth as it deems necessary to operate.
It is perfectly alright for a woman to hire a "doctor" to murder her unborn children, but it's not alright for a woman to buy a gun to defend herself and her household.

WMD's are the only reason we went to war in Iraq, there are no other items of justification in Congress' authorization for the President to use force.

How many times have you heard or read some Leftard spouting off on any or all of the above issues, until faced with facts they refuse to say "You know, you have a point, let me think about that" and instead jump straight off into a tantrum of "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! The bad man is making me face facts and just don' wanna!"

Avoid the whiners. Don't try to argue past the point that you know you're dealing with a confirmed Leftard. Mock them mercilessly instead, and fill your life with joy.

Or ignore them completely. Whatever works.

So there I was...

2005-12-31T00:35:00.000-05:00

Don't all good stories, and a couple of metric shitloads of bad ones, start out just like that?

Anyway.

I was at work today. That should come as no suprise to anyone that knows me, cause I'm so fucking Stupid Brand dedicated that I'll go in on my Beelzabubba damned day off, just to get shit done that I didn't have time to do during my regularly scheduled insanity. Maybe if I didn't have so many jackass customers bending my day over regularly for a proper buggering, I could get some of the shit done that Corporate Offices, (long may they rot!) demand of me. Course, then I'd be out of a job, as a low volume of customers means shutting down a location.

Eventually.

If I could figure out a way to make a mint without customers in the retail business, I'd be almost as smart as Al "I can't make money in radio even though all those evil Reichwingnut bastards can't seem to stop making money in radio" Franken thinks he is. But I can't, and I'm not, and there we have it.

Where was I? Wait a minute, let me knock back another shot of cold medicine here, and it'll come to me.

Ahhhh, that's better. I don't pray, but if I ever decide to, the first thing I'm going to do is ask God if she'd be a nice little bitch and let those swell boys over at Tylenol stay at the Paradise Hotel, all on account of the really splendiferous mint flavored cold medicine they've managed to put together. Fuck that other nasty shit that leaves your breath smelling like Dana Priest just took a record breaking dump in your breakfast cereal.

So there I was behind my counter, 47 bajillion customers on the other side of that bad red formica bitch, taking care of their trivial little concerns just as fast as my fat little fingers could work the fucking cash registers keys, when a fine specimen of Passive Agressive Douchenozzle decides to strap on his hobnailed combat boots and tap dance on my last fornicating nerve.

Have I ever mentioned how much I despise the Passive Agressive bullshit people like to pull in this day and age, all for the loverly purpose of getting a few free prints? No? Well, I'm sure I'll get around to it, sooner come later.

This fucknozzle, this cumstain, this rotten spoogemopper in the Porn Theatre of Life, decides not to speak up to the two jackasses that cut in front of him in the line. Oh no. That would be way too much effort, you see. No, it suits Mr. Cumbubble much more comfortably to wait until the actual perpetrators of this indignity upon his person have gone safely the hell away, and then blame ME for his inability to bring his noodlesque spine with him today.

Fuck. Me. Screaming.

As if I even saw these two fine specimens of humanity trample his pride in such a horrific fashion. As if I'd give two wet shits if I did.

Gawd. Damn.

Do you know how hard it is for me to bite my tongue when this sort of scrotum gnawing, dog felching bag of flutternuts brings his personal load of dumbass to my attention, demanding that I fix his problems?

I make photos, man. I'm not in the business of phsychoanalysis. Go find someone with a nice leather couch to listen to your petty bullshit. Me? I'm busy. In the next 30 minutes, I have to squeeze 1798 prints out of a machine the manufacturer swears won't give me more than 1000 in an hour.

Do the math, fucktard!

Ah well, bedtime. I'm outta here. Hang around, hang loose, and tomorrow you get to see me rant about Leftards. And the day after, too. As the mighty Baron of Bang likes to say, "Appeal to your base."

And if you muthas are anything like me, you are base, lemme tell ya.

Yeeeehaw!

2005-12-31T00:02:00.000-05:00

Let the raging begin! You peasants may now imagine me in full cowboy regalia, one hand full of the reins, the other waving a genuine sweatstained straw cowboy hat above my head as I dig the spurs into Micheal Moore, riding him down to the local Alchohol, Firearms, Tobacco and Explosives Store.

No, I'm not going to include a picture. What are you, imagination deficient? Sheesh.